i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
