where am i from again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
