Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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