I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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