eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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