You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
