Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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