I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sobbing to NWA
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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