Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
