went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
