I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
