21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
