I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
