she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
