goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
