He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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