Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
