When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
