Do you still have your period?
accomplished twins. life is a go
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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