Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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