we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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