I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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