I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
