Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
