Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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