You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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