Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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