I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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