This girl is more easily done than said...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
