Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
