So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
