New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
