I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
