the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
pray to the hookup gods
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
