The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just want to make out with him forever
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
