his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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