Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
