hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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