Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize