Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
