Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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