I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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