i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
