When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
