i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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