The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
