i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
