new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
