Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
