Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You left your phone here
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