Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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